I have found that I tend to fall asleep all throughout the day, whether that be me slumping over in my chair to doze off or even as scary as closing my eyes for a second too long when I’m driving my car. Throughout the night, I wake up about every hour and a half in order to use the bathroom or to throw up because I have all of these not diagnosed GI issues. Besides the bladder disease wake up calls, I also don’t sleep well because I snore. When I say I snore, I mean it is BAD. Diego would sleep on the opposite end of the house from me it was so obnoxious and loud.

I had a sleeping test at home about two weeks ago and this morning I had my doctor’s appointment with my regular doctor who also prescribes me my psychiatric medication and all that. So my doctor was like, “Your test results showed that you completely stopped breathing 217 times in your sleep and semi-stopped breathing 79 times throughout the night. You have SEVERE sleep apnea.” She continued by saying that this is congenital, so I was born with an obstructed airway. Gaining/losing weight will slightly impact my breathing, but by no means will diet and exercise “cure” me. She said I was her youngest patient whom she had diagnosed with sleep apnea, let alone severe sleep apnea.

I must use a cpap machine at night while I sleep that I will get fitted for in the next couple of days. I do, however, qualify for a type of surgery that would help me sleep because even with daily use of the cpap machine, I may not get much or even any relief, but in order to get the surgery, I have to use the cpap for a month before I get a follow up with my doctor and then referred over to an Ears, Nose, and Throat doctor who can then perform surgery on me.

It just sucks that I am starting this process now because I can’t afford to take more time off work for another surgery, but by the time everything will get straightened out and surgery is on the table it will be the middle of the semester. So in the back of my mind, I am thinking of doing this surgery after December 10th. The reason being is it will be winter break and I will be able to have a few weeks off from school to recover from surgery. Between now and surgery time, which is hopefully six more months, I will be able to save up enough money to take off work during winter break for the surgery to pay my bills and not have to focus on anything except recovery.

Also the other benefit of having this doctor’s appointment was that I take three different pills which have different Lithium doses. Because I have been so stable being sober and all, I am able to get off the lowest milligram Lithium pill. So as of tonight, I will only be on 900mg of Lithium rather than 1200mg. But I added that extra bit of dosage probably 6-8 months ago, so it will be an interesting thing to see how the lack of medication will or maybe will not affect my moods.

I always describe my medication list and my bipolar traits as a teeter totter. On one end we have depression who is fighting against the anti depressant, best prescription or emotion wins. On the other end, we have the anti psychotic that combats the mania or psychotic tendencies. As for the fulcrum we have the lithium which is a mood stabilizer. Right now with the mood stabilizer being at 1200mg, it makes me unintentionally apathetic toward my surroundings and tired as all Hell. It’s almost like the fulcrum is too big for the teeter totter; the mania and depression cannot kick against the ground to move to either one end of the spectrum or the other because the fulcrum is so stable or so big.

By reducing the size of the mood stabilizer aka fulcrum, it gives everybody a more level playing field and if I still don’t have symptoms of either depression or mania after reducing the amount of Lithium I take, why would I take more?

My doctor hopes to change up my medications here shortly as long as I continue to stay sober and I start to sleep better with the cpap machine.

As for the rest of the day, I took my car to the shop for a recall and an oil change. Both were free of charge to me so I am happy about that since I signed up for their 3 year maintenance plan at the dealership. It really is a rip off, financing oil changes with your car payment, but hey it’s too late now and after next August, I will really be crying for more “free” oil changes.

I confirmed start dates for my new jobs, both of which are after I get my cast off and go on vacation to the Oregon coast. One starts on June 30th and the other starts on July 6th so I am excited to start making some money to pay my bills and collect some dinero before I go to school in August. I did the pre screening and back ground checks. I am doing some paperwork for everything and it’s kept me busy these past couple of days for sure. Also, Diego will be able to take off all three days to go to the coast with my family and i. So that’s exciting.

A lot of good things happening.

Much love,

Dani