Overwhelming Stress

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I hate trying to discuss university with my dad because he makes a big point about the financial obligation and the way that my grades were last term of community college. I am well aware that college is not only expensive, but it will be super hard. It’s hard to take on 3-4 classes during a semester and excel in all of them. But I have no other option, so it will be done.

My dad keeps saying that I should have gotten my associate’s degree from community college before going to university. Part of me is glad I didn’t get my degree through community college first, because only ten hours transferred of my forty plus quarter hours from my first college.

My dad yells at me that I should have been more diligent about taking classes that would transfer over to university, but I disagree and say I was being diligent. My classes were going to an Associate’s of the Technical Arts degree, which was a non transfer degree, so I guess it makes sense that most of my classes were non transferable.

He thinks it is my fault that I haven’t “proven” my academic achievements by taking a summer class that will be transferable. I am not against school, but by the time it hits finals week of community college, I will be well into my first few weeks of university, so I won’t have the chance to “prove myself” to my dad when it comes to grades.

Not only will I have to put in 130% effort into this first semester and each following semester, I got to worry about how to pay for tuition. I was nominated for two loans through the university I am going to attend. But with that being said, I am not sure how much actual tuition, room and board, fees, and books are and how I should allocate the funds. Obviously I am doing school online from home, so I won’t need room and board. But I was wondering if I could live off of student loans to pay my bills and debts, if I am getting extra for “room and board”.

I am not sure how any of this works, so trying to have a conversation with my dad is nearly impossible because he is so facts oriented and me not having all the information, it only leads to use both being upset.

I will find out more information in about a week regarding school. Then I hope my dad and I can have an informed conversation and be calm about the matter.

I generally speaking am not stressed about school since I have a long time until I have to be in that mindset. But my dad is the one who is stressing me out solely because he is stressed out about my potential to either be successful or chance to fail. I mean, a little pressure on me is good considering I tend to excel under pressure. But to the point that dad is mirroring his stress onto me is not cool.

I called him after dinner (I was in the lair and he was downstairs) and he apologized for lashing out on me. I forgave him. But I still have to discuss school and loans with him in the near future. I am not looking forward to that most likely fight.

Then I discussed not being sober forever. My dad and mom were surprised because they think I have an alcohol problem. All I said is that once school starts, if I were to have any down time and I wanted to drink or smoke weed, I would do so with strict boundaries. My dad said if I studied 14 plus hours a day and took a puff off my weed pen, he would be okay with that, but neither of them approved of any alcohol usage.

Well in the meantime, I am remaining sober so no need to worry there. Like I said on a previous post, my mental health has been amazing without weed or alcohol, but then again, I want to go to the bar and have a drink and sing karaoke. I just have to have stricter boundaries around drinking than maybe other people do. I also said and was told by a drug and alcohol counselor that I was deemed to not have an issue of abusing these substances. But I digress.

I am stressed about money, time, school, my bipolar disorder and the way stress affects my moods. I got so little, yet some much on my plate. I am trying to breathe easy because everything will work out in time. My impatience is getting the best of me!!!

Well stay cool, ya’ll. Enjoy your Saturday night / Memorial Day Weekend and be safe!

Much love,

Dani

One Comment Add yours

  1. Bruce Cooper says:

    None of us are perfect Dani, especially Dads. Hopes and fears for those we love sometimes causes us to state harsh realities or say unkind words. Remember WHY your Dad, does what he does and forgive him for his fears, because he cares, and be thankful that he does. Critical achievement takes critical decisions that tolerates no unnecessary chance to fail. With God’s help you can achieve amazing things but it takes determination to work with Him, rather than tempt Him, with your own tendencies. Alcohol is not your friend and it is an unnecessary temptation. Recognize it for what it is and stay the course. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

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