I picked up my daily devotional for the first time since I found the book in Barnes and Nobles that my mother gifted me as a belated birthday present. I have had the book over a month and never even opened up the front cover.
Yesterday on my day off from work, I spent the day doing loads of laundry, putting away clean clothes, and cleaning my room. I have a long ways to go considering I have boxes on top of boxes of my belongings scattered throughout the house from moving back home with my parents.
But the cleaning was a beginning. A new start; a new hope.
Tonight I was pacing my room trying to figure out what to do with myself and I came across the book, “365 Devotions for Hope.” For April 13th, the topic is, of course, hope.
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.Proverbs 23:18
Before reading the author’s thoughts on what this means in terms of the Gospel or in context of the passage of scripture, I immediately had the epiphany that this is my season of hope.
It feels as though I have been swimming through adversity, nearly drowning in the waves as it rains 40 days and 40 nights. It feels like sobriety and this unprecedented time in my life has given me the ability to see through the rain, to look North and to find my ark.
God has provided me with all of the tools I need to persevere, prosper, and sustain life upon the ark. I swim toward the ark with great need and hunger. He does not want his children to fail, including myself. It feels as though the rain has let up and the currents have slowed.
As long as I get onto the ark, I will survive. Hope floats, it does not sink. It is my season of hope.
With my eyes set upon what is right in front of me, without Him, I will not fail. I am not sure what my ark may hold, I am not sure who is on the ark, or what it may contain, but it is safe, it is refuge, it is pure. It is whole and I remain hopeful.
I have many weeks and months in the sea, but I remain calm and at rest as I see my sanctuary. I can smell the fresh lumbar in the distance. I can see that the ark is safe in harbor and is secured.
I may not know what may come above or below me, or all around me in these waters, but I have hope and a reason to believe that God has saved me. God has saved me from sin, my pleasures, but most importantly, from myself.
As I lay in bed, I take my daily pills and await for sleep to take me. I have been good. I feel good. Not overly stressed, but the pressure to prosper from rocky roads to the limit of the skies is very much there. I feel as though my path is clearing up and my hope in myself has been restored. I am starting to believe in the power of the Scripture, in God, and in myself once again. To lose sight of that is a very scary thing. To regain belief in those things is very empowering. I am hopeful that God’s love and kindness will sustain me and that He will correct my path and stop my wicked ways.