Too little, too late

Photo by Acharaporn Kamornboonyarush on

Well, you heard it here, folks. Diego and I are done. D O N E. Forever. It will never work out.

My worst fears have come true, not only will Diego ever get over the fact that I cheated on him 3 years ago, but he can’t/won’t give me a timeline of when we could get married. I said I wasn’t happy living in sin; I wasn’t happy without knowing that our future was sure together. He can’t commit, either he’s too afraid or unsure, I don’t know.

I know that sounds like a cluster fuck of information for my new readers so let me rewind a little bit. Uhh… Diego and I have been almost as bipolar in our relationship as I am mentally. We have been very back and forth. We went on our first date in 2015, in December. We became a couple in June 2016, after I graduated high school and turned 18. (He is almost five years older). We moved in together in September of 2017. I worked two jobs and went to school, and I was about to start work with the Navy when I cheated with my coworker of the job Diego and I did not share together.

Diego was obviously devastated. I was in a rough place because we had the rental together and I couldn’t leave my obligation, but I had the desire to sleep around, but wanted an open relationship with Diego. That was never even a possibility, he was very jealous. Anyway, we made things work since he couldn’t afford the house without me all that well. We slept in different places and were apart, although living together.

He kicked me out after a while and expected me to pay rent to a place I didn’t live at to fulfill the lease obligation. That did not fly with me. I went over to the house that I had keys to and found him fucking one of our coworkers. I flipped out to the point cops were almost called. I got all my money in rent back and no longer had to pay him.

I moved back in with my parents and did as I pleased. We got back together after I got hurt in the yard on August 2nd, 2018. He proposed in October…. I broke it off in December after booking the venue for September 21st, 2019. And after buying the wedding dress….

2019 was spent on and off. We went to Las Vegas together as a couple for my 21st birthday in February. The rest of the time, we yo-yoed back and forth.

Kind of the same story with 2020, we were together from May until August. And then October to now, we were together.

Diego is a very complicated person to love; he is very black and white and sees no gray. He also is very realistic and logical all of the time, which I don’t need when I am depressed. It’s easy to make him happy by doing things for the house, but at the same time, it’s easier to make him mad over what you *didn’t* do.

That was all on Monday night, the 15th. By Tuesday evening, I was all moved out minus my really nice desk that wouldn’t fit in my Kia Sportage. But all of my belongings fit between the trunk and backseat of the Kia and the trunk and backseat of my dad’s Ford Fusion. Also by then I was on my way over to a nice, older gentleman’s house.

Not like old, old, but he’s 15 years older than me…. He is Mexican, former Navy and he is a foreman electrician. Lives an hour and a half south of me; meaning from my parents’ home. Very polite and well mannered. I have been staying over every night since Tuesday.

Today I had my re eval of my bloodwork as far as my mental health goes and doc was surprised I wasn’t hospitalized considering how depleted my vitamins, minerals, and lithium levels were. I am not diabetic, blood pressure is low, thyroid looks good. But she addressed my stomach issues and why I have been vomiting multiple times a day for over a year.

Nutrients weren’t being absorbed by my small intestine because there is an overgrowth of bacteria in my small intestine that should be in my large intestine. This illness is called SIBO, otherwise known as small intestine bacterial overgrowth. This can be caused by overuse of antibiotics and narcotic medication. I never abused narcotics, but I was on them for six weeks straight after I had surgery which is a very long time to be taking anything that isn’t deemed medically required. I have taken many antibiotics after my two surgeries to reduce the risk of infection and for my bladder disease and constantly getting UTIs.

The fix is to get me on an antibiotic called Flagyl. So I cannot consume any alcohol whatsoever with it or else I will become violently ill, similar to a medication that alcoholics take to stop consuming. I got to take that 3x a day for 10 days to see if it helps the nausea and vomiting. Next is restoring gut health once all the bacteria is killed. So probiotics are a must. I still have to do my diligent research, but my sister has a similar condition and I talked to her and she said she would create a meal plan for gut healthy meals.

I asked if I could smoke *cough, cough* …weed with the medication since I couldn’t drink and she said it shouldn’t be an issue. THANK THE GOOD LORD. She joked that she was on the medication for different reasons and she said, “I just want a glass of wine.” So I replied, “I just want a whole bottle of wine.” And we both laughed as she handed me the plethora of prescriptions and vitamin supplements list.

I FINALLY HAVE A DIAGNOSIS. This is so freeing and liberating. I still have to see the GI doc on Monday to check and get a scope to confirm the diagnosis, but it’s a huge step in the right direction.

I haven’t *truly* slept in three days due to the break up and moving out and then basically rebounding with another man. But I feel good. I feel happy and satisfied. I think I am going in a manic spurt hence the lack of sleep and ultra creativity but I can’t sleep alone, I’ve learned. This gentleman is super sweet and I’ve confided in him and him in me. I really have grown fond of him. He will remain nameless for now, but to give him a title, he is GF guy.

No, he’s not gluten free, he’s a foreman in a union, but it would be weird to call him F guy which I guess is accurate yet rude at the same time. Little background, whenever I online date, my best friend and I call the guys different little nicknames. There was Coke guy (he was a merchandizer for the cola company; didn’t do cocaine) and contractor guy (he was a shipyard worker). Usually it’s occupation related so GF guy seemed suitable as any for his name. So general foreman is the longer term.

So yeah, I think this is enough info for one post.

Happy Thursday and much love,


One Comment Add yours

  1. Bruce Cooper says:

    You know that song; “Jesus take the wheel”? Sooner or later you do have to let go and I do mean let go. You both can’t steer at the same time. And in spite of how good of a man you think the GF friend is, that’s simply not a good idea. Maybe your Mom and Dad can take you in again. Keeping you in my prayers Dani. Blessings.


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