Don’t you just love when you agree to do something and then when it gets to being time to do it, you just want to crawl back in bed and never leave? But cannot do that and actually have to follow through with a plan or favor that you said you would do? Me too!

I’m working on being grateful for all the blessings that I have and part of that is giving back to those who need it the most and who have helped me learn and grow the most. With that being said, I have agreed to apply to be a respite care provider for Diego’s little brother, Pablo.

For those who don’t know, a respite care provider is a someone paid by the state to care for someone with developmental or physical delays or special needs. They, the client, typically must have both low IQ and acquisition levels to qualify for state aid. Pablo qualifies for it since he is nonverbal with Down syndrome and is on the autism spectrum. You may wonder why they don’t get a babysitter to watch him for date nights or weekend getaways. Well for one, most baby sitters or nanny’s are not qualified to help those with special needs. Second of all, they couldn’t afford it even if they found someone eligible. Third and finally, they have had respite care providers in the past just up and quit because they couldn’t handle the stress of it all.

Diego nor his sister haven’t applied for the position because they both make more in management working for their respective stores and frankly with their work schedule, don’t have time to watch Pablo as much as they would like it and be good for him. Diego’s mother constantly is asking Diego if I could watch Pablo because most of this year, I wasn’t working. Now that I’m working, she needs a break now more than ever. She had a benign tumor removed from her neck in July after we all thought she had a minor stroke. His dad works a lot and I know they haven’t had a night out, together, since before her tumor was removed so I feel obligated to help them out.

Yesterday I called out from work because my cough was terrible and I was throwing up. I feel a little bit better, but my cough is still persistent. Don’t get me wrong: I love being with Pablo and he’s a pretty easy kid to watch, but when you’re sick, being anywhere other than your own bed just sucks.

I should have said I couldn’t come, but I didn’t want to cancel at the last moment. Diego’s dad talked to me for a long time before his wife got home that he was thrilled to be going out with her. He was hoping that their luck at the casino would be good. I told him that I didn’t gamble anymore, but I would be vicariously living through them tonight as I await to hear their tales of either (hopefully) wins or (unfortunate) losses.

Maria, his mother, had an extra two hours added on to her normal shift because of how busy it was. She was exhausted, but when she saw me, she had the biggest smile on her face to finally have a night out with her husband. I got to the house about 7:30pm and now it’s 12:30am. Manuel and Maria were here until a little after 9pm, but Pablo has been wide awake since then and has no chance of going to sleep anytime soon.

I think he has a bit of insomnia or at the very least, has a hard time winding down for the night because he is always around loud and bright electronics before bed. I know he has a full belly, has had enough fluids, and is otherwise happy and healthy. The problem now is trying to stay awake until the parents get home at who knows when.

I hope their winnings are large but at the same time, selfishly so, I want to go home since I still have an hour to drive back and to crawl into bed. Diego and the rest of the world is asleep right now and normally I would be too.

Oh well. As my nana would say to me when I didn’t get my way, “Tough.”

It’s not about me anyways, it should be about them and why I am fixating on me is ridiculous. I always do this and I don’t know why I am being so self centered. It’s not that I try to be, but I focus on why I shouldn’t be inconvenienced like this and so on. As Diego would say, if you don’t want to do something, don’t offer to do it. However, I do want to do the things I say I will. I think bipolar affects my actions in the moment, as things are happening so that I won’t want to participate an anything such as activities or doing favors for others.

What motivates you to help others and stick to your promise to help others? Let me know in the comments. If you enjoyed this and/or my other posts, feel free to like, comment, and give me a follow!

Much love,

Dani