That’s on me

Photo by Dids on

I think I’ve officially given up on Blogmas. I love blogging challenges, but trying to balance a nearly full time job, my relationship, home responsibilities, among other things proves difficult. It is now 3:42 am PST and I’m staring at my Christmas tree that transitions from white, shiny bulbs, and fades into bright, colorful bulbs. It’s almost mesmerizing.

I have completed my second week of work, along with my first full week. Within the first two days of my job, I was able to double my hours and go from 20 hours a week to 36, which scores me a half day on Friday, with weekends off to enjoy. I work from 10:45am to 3pm with one 15 minute break, then I drive an hour south, paid for by the company, and work for another 3 hours, finishing at 7pm. It’s not a bad gig considering I can go to all my doctor’s appointments in the early morning and then go to work. It makes for a long(er) day, but to have weekends off and weekly pay is a true blessing.

So far, I enjoy working with the autistic kids, that has been a blast. Working with the families, however, is… less than a blast. Let’s just say that some families (specifically mothers) feel they are entitled to round the clock care for their child so that they don’t have to deal with their own children with relatively mild problem behaviors. Others don’t do enough for their child, whether they have the proper resources or not.

I have to say, behavior services truly do work; behavior is learned and can be un and re learned. However it’s much harder to teach an old dog new tricks versus a puppy. The kids end up changing for the better, but the parents stay the same. They think they know what’s best and maybe they do, but when it comes to dealing with disorders such as autism, maybe they don’t know it all, otherwise they wouldn’t be reaching out for help.

But overall, I love the job and don’t like to complain because it’s a job that actually makes me happy. I work with a great behavior analyst and we mesh pretty well, which makes me happy. I get paid extremely well and once I pass my registered behavior tech exam, I get a hefty raise. I am about 45% through with the process so far. I have completed the 40 hour training and I am working on competency with said analyst and then once I am finished with that, I can take my exam.

As far as bipolar goes, I feel like I have been hypo-manic forever, or at least I feel as though my depression has not hit super hard this winter season. I think having UW to look forward to, community college to go back to, and this new job to prosper with has given me a newfound purpose in life. Having a passion or a goal is always important in the self discovery process and for self motivation. With that being said, my depression has been absent during a time of year that it usually hits the hardest.

My house is spotless after a good days’ work and there is supplementary things that need to be done, but at the very least dishes are done, counters and stove top are wiped down, laundry is done (well, laundry is always a process, so it’s working on being complete), and the new sheets were put on the bed with the new comforter and the bed was made and the room was picked up. I need to deep clean my oven, microwave, along with the bathrooms, but that’s work for another day.

I almost feel like I am the hare in the tortoise and the hare story. Except rather than running, we are swimming. So the second I stop swimming, I’ll drown. So I just have to keep going like the tortoise did so that I don’t burn myself out. In other news, tomorrow is my 90 days sober off of gambling. I got my first paycheck on Friday and although it wasn’t much due because it only accounted for my first 4 days of work, I was able to get ahead on more than half my bills and not spend it on gambling.

Not wasting my paycheck on absolute crap was interesting. Using money for its intended purposes gave me a new high, a different sensation. It was exciting watching the money come in at midnight and then the slow, but steady deduction of funds, not from the casino, but for different bills. I was able to help out Diego a little bit and get things for the house that we needed. It gave me another new purpose that I would have never known just three months ago.

It is now 4:33 am and I know I should go back to sleep, but I feel like there is so much that needs to get done around the house, even though I have nothing to really do that wouldn’t wake Diego up. My mind races, yet my body does nothing. Story of my life…

Until next time,


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