Working from Hell

I work from home aka my own personal Hell. I have just felt so much anger, even rage lately about the littlest things. I know I am taking out my anger out on my loved ones. But I have no one to talk to, to interact with. So I call my mom multiple times a day because she’s always available and I talk to Diego throughout his and I’s work day.

Diego suggested last night after I broke down that I go outside for a walk, but with my broken foot, I can’t really do that. He suggested I use my knee scooter and roll / walk the local waterfront. But that is painful on the rest of my body.

I think even sitting in the grass while the sun shines would suffice. But I am so lonely. I don’t have any friends in this town and Diego is gone 50-60 hours a week and if he’s here, he’s playing video games. With COVID-19, it’s even harder to go out and meef people. I am painfully shy in real life when I initially meet someone so how I could even do that, I have no clue. As far as the friends I have, God bless them, but they are all busy with work, are sick, or flaky.

I broke down last night because we had a rough afternoon where we both broke down crying. I made breakfast for dinner and I told him, “Hey, dinner is almost ready” and he was in the middle of a video game round that he couldn’t pause. That should have sufficed as warning to wrap it up.

Five minutes later and I had set out dinner and dished everyone up. I told Diego that food was ready. He said “Five more minutes.” I stare him down and throw my hands up in the air. I say nothing and go into the bedroom and shut the door.

I lost it.

Now. This shouldn’t have made me angry. It was five minutes. I spent a half hour cooking and he couldn’t have the decency to be ready when I gave him the initial heads up. I was livid.

But the real issue is this: my anger being trapped in this house is so great and I don’t know what to do about it. I have no outlet. Sure I blog and paint, but I need to be outside and out in the world. I’m at a loss of what to do.

Any words of encouragement or advice is always appreciated and if you’re looking for a digital pen pal, my email and comments are open to all!

theprecariousaquarius@gmail.com

Dani

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