It’s only been two or three? weeks since I last wrote and I feel like I am a whole different person from when that last was written.

Kyle’s grandfather passed away three days after my 28th birthday. I saw him gasp for air as his kidneys filled his body with poisonous gases that could no longer be filtered out by his body. I think there is no such thing as an “easy” death. But then again, what do I know? They say it’s painful coming into this world as well as coming out of it. I can only imagine that to be true.

It’s weird to me that in just a few hours after I had last visited him with Kyle, he was then gone. He had a strong faith in the Lord and so it’s safe to say he is rejoicing in Heaven with Jesus and skipping to his heart’s content and reading the newspaper with renewed eyes (He always complained about his eyesight in his older years.)

I think my faith in God is stronger than before because of Kyle’s grandfather’s passing. He died with a family who cared for him deeply and that loved him. He was ready to be home with Jesus because when he was in the hospital, he would always exclaim, “Amen!” when he heard he was dying.

I think it made me think of my own legacy or lack thereof. I want to be and feel loved when I one day die or get close to dying. At the moment, I really don’t want my own kids and then I thought about when I die, who would be there? Kyle, my husband? Unless he goes before me and with all his health stuff, who knows if and when that would be. I know Kyle couldn’t take it if I passed first; he’d have no idea what to do, but I am a lot more self sufficient than he is. Does that mean he loves me more than I love him? I don’t know. I don’t think so.. I care for him a lot. But it just comes down to personalities. I have always been super self sufficient; I’d be pained and sad if Kyle passed away at any point of time, but I’d make do with what I have.

Off of that depressing note… Kyle went back to work yesterday after his six week medical leave. He had a good affect when he got home so I know he had a good day, despite worrying all night on logistics of how his work day would go. It’s currently 8:51am on February 23. He’s working til 9am or 10am depending on overtime. His hours got cut super bad which is both good and bad. His job is very laborious so for his health it is good that he is only working (5) 5 hour shifts this week (25 hours instead of 40). It just hurts the budget the lack of hours even though as a manager, he has guaranteed forty hours a week, but not even his boss is getting a full forty hour week.

Grocery stores used to be the job for anyone because it’s union, and if you get bumped to journeyman in whatever department, you make pretty sweet money. But now that corporations are cutting man hours and labor, how can folks living paycheck to paycheck afford to live off of 25 hours a week when they couldn’t hardly do that at full time? The corporate greed is getting bad as our economy plummets. It’s especially bad living in a county with three navy bases, so all these folks with BAH housing vouchers from the military can afford to live here and no one else can afford rent prices. Why do you think I’ve really only lived with family in all my adult years? Shit’s too expensive.

Now that I know how to be poor and cut back on living expenses, I still couldn’t afford rent in addition to our vehicle payments and food and everything else. But I am about to get a job… I think? Well, I am waiting to be sent the background check which should take 2 weeks to clear, but If I can pass that, I will have a job. I don’t want to go into details now because it seems every time that I count on something like a job working out, it never does. So I’ll stay quiet on this one in hopes it does work out and I am able to work somewhat soon.

We also celebrated not only my birthday this month, but SIX WHOLE YEARS HERE AT PRECARIOUS AQUARIUS.

Thank you for reading and liking and subscribing and supporting my dreams of writing and getting *some* publicity. I have enjoyed this adventure more than you’ll ever know.

I think that’s it for me today; I just wanted to get my writer’s feet wet, so to speak.

much love,

Dani