For those of you who are new or don’t know, I am Dani M. and I single handedly created and run The Precarious Aquarius. I thought since this is the start of my F I F T H year blogging on this site, I would do a little Q and A style pow wow blog thing. Aren’t I so good with words?! LOL. Starting February 10th, this will be the fifth year of blogging and writing publicly. So without further ado.. let’s begin.

Why did you start this blog?

I published The Precarious Aquarius because the month prior, I was working for an attorney who then found out I had Bipolar II disorder (former diagnosis; later on this…) and said I “betrayed his trust” and I “lacked integrity”. The odd thing about this was he found out by stalking my personal Facebook and decided to fire me because I couldn’t be trusted with having such a disorder EVEN THOUGH his wife was a social worker. I remember winning my unemployment case with the state because I was wrongly terminated.

But the reason for starting this blog was essentially to tell my story. Tell about the blatant discrimination towards people with mental illness, tell about my feelings, use the blog as a personal journal, call out the mf’ers and set the record straight.

After I lost my paralegal job, I made a promise to myself that I would always remain true to me in whatever that I do. I am now cautious of what I post on major social media websites such as Facebook and Instagram, mostly being that my newer diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder is less known about which creates more fear and bias of the unknown. But this is my safe place on the internet for me to share what I want and when I want, just like a diary.

So why do I publish my thoughts? Because I have had several people over the years reach out to me and said “me too”. or “I never thought of that”. or “I empathize with you.” And that is power. Power is in numbers and especially in the mental health awareness world.

So, if you aren’t a paralegal anymore, what do you do for work?

Currently I work as a homeless shelter “counselor” (no, I don’t have a counseling degree; basically me and three others are just the people who run the shelter, do intakes, discharges and run daily events.) But I won’t be in this role much longer.. as of 8am on February 1st, I will be transferring over to a different department in my agency so instead of working in the shelter, I will work as a “crisis navigator / recovery outreach” person which to me, is too long of a title because it’s essentially two jobs I will be doing. Starting February 3rd (a Monday) I will be starting my training with my manager learning how to do well in this role.

My current supervisor is very sad I am leaving but realizes I have more to offer than what I could do in the confines of my current job description. I imagine I will be on-call at the shelter for crisis situations a couple nights a week (since the shelter is only open 9pm-8am) so if a crisis occurs, a shelter staff could call me personally to de-escalate a situation. I might help run the crisis text line but that will soon be phased out because we don’t have the staff/resources (aka funding) to keep it open. Mainly I will be working with youth 13-25 to help diffuse crisis situations and help those who are seeking recovery from drugs and alcohol. It’s a Monday-Friday gig with normal-ish hours.

What qualifies you for such a job as this?

I kind of feel like I have imposter syndrome like how did I even get here? It’s like that meme that was floating around the internet that read, “That moment when you dissociate for twenty minutes and then realize you’re driving your car and you have no idea how you got there.” I feel like that, but with my life. It’s weird because I am not the same person I was when I started this blog… not even close. But to answer the question….

I have been sober since August 17, 2023 from alcohol and other substances. I never had done hard drugs so that was easy to keep off of / steer clear but I started drinking, pill popping, and weed smoking, and vaping all by eighteen years old. Two DUIs later, I found myself in jail for four days and I prayed for God to “get me out of this”. And that’s not how I (or anyone) should talk to Jesus, but I was detoxing and desperate. It was interesting because I would guess most people in jail have substance use issues and I didn’t find one ounce of AA/NA literature. But in front of me in my cell was a Bible and a “coming to Jesus” moment. I prayed and knelt on my cot that I would get out of there and praise God all the rest of my days. Just get me out of being here or else I would kill myself. But that wasn’t a threat to God in prayer that was something I told my mom and dad on the phone; that I would kill myself if I was in jail much longer because I had a gang try to beat me up because I snored too loud. True story.

The next day I was PR’ed (Personal Resonance) and released from jail and put on probation with no alcohol or weed allowed in addition to rules of my probation which included three months of intensive outpatient treatment and six months (consecutive along with the three months) of outpatient treatment along with a defensive driving course, a DUI impact panel, etc. Oh and I had a blow and go (ignition interlock).

I met my husband almost four months after I was arrested and at my bottom. Well, according to the AA literature for moderate drinkers, the bottom hit me and that it did. TL;DR version is that I have experienced addiction and so many crises in my life that has prepared me to be an advocate for those struggling and going through their own crises. I am qualified because of life, not some plaque or degree that I can hang on the wall. Although I am three classes away from graduating with my general associates degree, whether I finish that or not is still on the table for debate.

But to show compassion and empathy and love and kindness and reason, that takes life skills which I have obtained through prior employment as well as it is just who I am as a person who struggles with mental health and addiction issues. I am no one special but God created me to be empathetic and good in end-of-the-world situations. That’s why I got this job.

You said you’re married now, and I have been reading your blog for a while now… how the h*** did that happen?

I am just as surprised as you. I started this blog runnin’ and gunnin’, sleeping around with anyone who breathed and was at least six years older than me and had a bank account (honest to God truth as shameful as it is and pathetic is how I feel about it). But in jail, God reformed and changed my heart for the better and through the addiction and all the pain, I became a much better person for it. I met my now husband on Facebook Dating as a last attempt to find a mate while at the bottom of a well (metaphor of course not actually). Kyle shined God’s light and through Kyle and the help of my family, I was able to continue sobriety and get through the hoops of my probation. We fell in love fairly quickly… I mean, six months of knowing each other before getting engaged and four short months later on our ten month anniversary we were married.

When you know, you know… they say that at least and I agree with it.

Kyle is very empathetic and caring and stable. He’s my rock. He’s 6’3″, tall brunette with light blue eyes, slender build but can lift me with ease. Funny story… there was a rock wall at the courthouse which was where we got married and I was doing my solo photos and the photographer wanted me to hop on the wall that was probably about four feet tall and in my dress, there was no hopping onto the retainer wall so I called Kyle over and my mom is witnessing all of this happen and I say “Can you lift me” and he hugged me and grabbed my waist to sit me down on the retainer wall and my mom was so shocked and impressed because I am not petite and Kyle, no offense, doesn’t look like he could lift my weight. But I digress. He is so kind and caring and always has my best interest at heart. He’s a great communicator and I adore him.

Some people say that we’re still in our honeymoon phase since we still have only known each other for about fourteen months. But I don’t know about that, we’ve been through harder times but we actively work together to make things better for us as a team.

What’s next for The Precarious Aquarius?

I am honestly not sure. F I V E years of writing is a pretty big accomplishment. I am very proud of me for that because I don’t think I’ve ever done anything for five years consistently. I deserve an award lol. I am intending on writing more this year than I did last year. Last year I was just busy with work, my own mental health struggles as I was officially diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, and just falling and being in love. I focused a lot on my relationship with God and with Kyle, respectively. I focused on treatment and going to AA meetings. I focused on my career.

But writing. That’s important to me. Now that my illness is more stabilized (I couldn’t find the right mental health meds for like seven months which led to my not writing). I need to punch the damn keys and start working on some concepts I have for a book that I want to write. That would be in addition to the blog, not instead of.

The world is my oyster and I am living for it.

Til next time

Dani