I feel like there is so much that happens between posts it is almost impossible to update y’all on all that is going on in my life. My brain is somewhat scattered because the most recent event that has happened in my life was that I had deviated septum repair and nasal turbinate surgery as well as a sleep endoscopy to see if I was eligible for the Inspire surgery which is basically a sleep implant that they put in your chest to regulate your breathing and keep your airways open when you are sleeping at night. It’s essentially an internal cpap device in your chest.

So I had this first of two surgeries on February 1st and as I am typing this it is midnight on Saturday early morning, February 3rd. I’m on the couch sitting straight up because I was informed not to lay down because I don’t want to swallow any blood from the nasal surgery and don’t want to mess anything up so this will be my second night on the couch at home. My family is away for some work convention thing out in the city so it’s just me and the cats just chilling.

The pain isn’t so bad to be honest with you. it’s uncomfortable and awkward at best but it’s not so bad if im being honest with myself. I had my mom and Diego take me to the surgery because my boyfriend Kyle cannot drive due to his epilepsy and Diego had the week off from work so with buying him breakfast and paying him $100 he was happy to take me. My mom was too afraid to drive in Seattle downtown cuz that’s where the surgery was but she went along just cause.

My sleep has been better I already have noticed a difference I apparently don’t snore as bad and I’ve been up since 10:30am this morning and I haven’t needed to nap or go to bed at all I’ve been pretty alert and with it despite it being just past the first 24 hours post op. It’s also nice because I should be able to go back to work on Sunday and there should be no issues there so thank Jesus.

Next things next is my birthday. My belly button birthday is on February 6th and I will be turning 26 years old! On the 10th of this month, it will be my fourth year on Precarious Aquarius since its creation of the website and the biog. It makes me reflect on back in the day what this blog used to be for me versus what it stands for me in the modern day. Not a whole lot has changed but I think that mental health has taken more of a back seat in my life and in my blog because I’ve gotten more of a handle on my mental health. Because mind you, when I first started out, I wasn’t medicating regularly and had no real coping mechanisms when it came to dealing with the ebbs and flows of bipolar disorder.

Now four years later, I take five pills in the AM and five pills in the PM, I work full time, I am in treatment for alcoholism and drug use for about 10 hours per week plus a minimum of two sober support groups per week. In addition to that, I see my boyfriend when I can and when our schedules allow and I still do some writing and I do my planner every day and habit trackers as well as budget and do things that spark joy in my life. I am busy, but now that my sleep is getting fixed with these two surgeries, one is in the works and the other is now in the past, ill have more energy to hopefully start working out and hopefully I can think about either more education to finish my associates’ degree or do a work training so that I can get a better paying job.

I love my job but without education or further training, I don’t see myself going much further in my career. I’ve somewhat hit a dead end and I’m good at my job, but it is emotionally exhausting and draining. It’s tolling because I never have any idea of what to expect but I do know that we are always understaffed and that is hard because not only do I feel that, but my clients face those negative affects as well and they aren’t getting the care that they want need, feeling like I can’t give someone my everything and the best care and access to services is hard when not everyone else is on the sane boat.

I keep looking into nursing and phlebotomy as far as jobs go to continue with my schooling but that sounds exhausting and hard within itself. I feel like I’m low-key having my quarter life crisis because I don’t know what to do with my career. I know I need more for myself and my future I just have no idea what.

Maybe I’m just over-reacting because I just had surgery and I have no idea what im doing with my life. Plus im starting to get sleepy, go figure. On the 17th of this month, I will be sober from weed and alcohol for six months. That’s a pretty big deal and I’m very proud of the progress ive made this far and excited to see what my sober journey will consist of moving forward.

I think my parents are getting me a cake for my birthday tomorrow since my birthday is on a Tuesday and im working that day anyways. But I think Kyle got me flowers from his work and bought me a few gifts that I picked out at Marshalls. I think Kyle will meet my parents’ on the 10th of February because that’s when the four of us are gonna go out to eat to celebrate my birthday. I’m excited for him to meet my parents and hope it goes well.

I think thats it for me for tonight, im gonna try to get some rest.

Much love,

Dani