I don’t even know where to begin to be quite honest. I think I’ve written once in the last twenty days so that’s on me for using my own coping mechanisms to better my own mental health whilst assisting others in my work place on their mental health journey.

First off, I’m single again (surprise, surprise). Turns out I’m not worthy of being dumped besides the middle of a busy bar before my now ex and I’s love duet at karaoke because he “didn’t want me to get mad”. Well I got mad and I walked out of that bar then and there and if I didn’t have my MacBook and all my other belongings at his house, I would have left his ass there as he got drunk on my dime. Grrrr… but I digress.

Next off, my mental health has been okay overall. I really think my job helps make and break my mental health status and what I mean by that is I gotta focus on my own self care because if I’m not calm, cool, and collected for myself let alone my clients, I’ll go ballistic myself and end up in the ED with suicidal ideation. But then again those same clients break my patience and my will to live all in one fellow swoop of a conversation and then that same client or clients will make me laugh til I cry. It’s a fuckin bipolar whirlwind the way I feel when I am addressing client needs because most of my clients are either bipolar 1 or schizoaffective. It’s exhausting being around people who need you constantly. But at the same time, it is so rewarding and makes my servant’s heart happy to help.

I told Steven (ex fiancé #2) about me filing bankruptcy so he said he would file the refinancing his vehicle paperwork in his name alone and I told him under the supervision of my lawyer I would figure out how to get him off my car loan so the bankruptcy doesn’t fuck him over. Over the phone when I told him my woes, he sounded empathetic and understanding; exasperated but he was going through some shit so it could have just been that but he did it so that’s what matters.

I don’t wish evil on anyone I just want to live in peace and be happy. I am unsure of what else to write. I need to go back to my primary care to get my bloodwork updated and my meds checked. I am supposed to follow up with the GI doctor for my nausea and vomiting in the mornings since my endoscopy never showed anything wrong with me. There is so much I need to do and so much I want to do but my life has consisted of eat, work, sleep, repeat. It’s not a good way to live but it’s a way to live and make money and turn my life back around.

I’ll end here today but I wish you all well and update me about yourselves in the comments.

It’s good to be back!!!!!!!!!

Dani