I think half of the battle with most things is mindset. Not all of the battle, because if it were, all would be too easy for those who are mindset overachievers. Half of the battle is mindset because it takes courage, determination, and hard work to achieve excellence. Notice how I write excellence, not perfection. Nobody and nothing worldly is perfect.

I am starting my day off on a Sunday, at 4:30am. I had to use the bathroom. Not the most exciting way to start out a great day, but reason enough to get out of bed. I decided to be wifey material by making Diego his lunch. Two ham and pepper jack sandwiches with mustard, grapes, a bag of limon potato chips, and a seltzer soda. I gave him a red bull for the car ride to work and put it in his car. 4:50am rolls around, and Diego’s alarm goes off. Time to get up. He took Poncho out and laid around until he had to get dressed. I decided to map out my day here at Precarious Aquarius.

Last night was rough with my bladder disease flare. I smoked cannabis and I was able to sleep. My flank pain (kidney pain) is still prevalent this morning, I need to start chugging water. As much as staying hydrated makes the urgency and frequency worse, it helps relax the bladder from all the triggers in my diet and from energy drinks which is terrible for IC (interstitial cystitis).

But now, it’s game time.

Here is my to do list for today to keep myself accountable:

-do dishes

-clean up

-make beds

-put away clean laundry

-go grocery shopping for lunch stuff for Diego and I for the week now that I am heading back to work tomorrow.

-biology lab due tonight at midnight.

-buy small organism like a worm or something small to do biology lab.

-finish chapter 3 of my history textbook

-complete annotations for history due tomorrow at 11:55pm

-pack lunches for Monday

-clean out car

-Meet Diego for date night dinner at 3pm aka Happy Hour

It won’t be easy because my homework will literally take hours. However, all these things must be done. I think I have a positive mindset today because I am starting my job tomorrow which makes me mostly excited. I am ready to work and get shit done. The crippling depression isn’t hitting as hard today, or at least, not yet. I still feel kind of worthless, but I know that’s just the inner demons.

I feel positive about achieving everything on this list and maybe even more, but the more I delay, the less likely I am to get these things done. Ideally, I get all of this done before 2pm but I know that isn’t realistic. I want to at least be able to go out on my date with Diego because God knows we need it. I think our absence in each other’s lives have made it so we bicker more because we only see the things the other didn’t do rather than what the other person did do. We call everyday, multiple times a day, but we need quality time together and I’m hopeful we can achieve that this afternoon at old people dinner aka when he gets off from work.

The other half of the battle besides mindset is your demons. Sometimes this feels like the only battle that there is and everyone’s demons look different. Today my demons are time and task completion. And doubt. I know I can do everything listed above, but my demons tell me otherwise. It is rather unnerving. But I am up to the challenge.

Much love,

Dani