Can’t Get my Brain to Shut off


It is an amazing thing; how the mind operates. It is an even greater thing that the said mind does not ever “turn off”.

As I awoke this morning at 3:35am, I roll onto my dog by accident because I had slept on my side near the edge of the bed and Poncho was in the dead center of the bed where people sleep. He was curled up in a little ball with one ear flipped outwards and so you know he has the cute, droopy hound ears.

I got up and used the bathroom and then put on my sandals so I could take Poncho out. It was a little early around 4am since he normally doesn’t get up until 5am. But since it was cold out, he quickly did his business and ran inside.

Poncho ran into the guest bedroom where Diego was at the stay warm. Diego complained that Poncho and I last night were “in his spot”. I asked where Diego’s spot was and he said the whole bed and so I told him he could go have his own spot in the other room and I wouldn’t bother him there. I guess by the time I fell asleep which was before 9pm that he ended up going to bed in the other room.

I think it’s kind of funny but rather sad he won’t sleep in the same bed as me. At first it was my snoring, but now it’s because we have a dog who likes to sleep like people and sleeps at the head of the bed where we sleep. But he has to turn and turn and turn to make his spot comfy and then he plops down right on Diego and I. So then either one of us has to get up and move so we have enough room or we struggle and sleep uncomfortably all night.

I thought I could get some writing in before I either make breakfast or go back to bed or both since Poncho went back to sleep with Diego. I would normally go back to sleep but I have so many things on my list of what I want to do versus what I have to do. I have school, I need to call work, I have an eye appointment tomorrow because certain lights have created light sensitivity for me which is painful. I applied to two different jobs this morning that are both like outreach workers in the mental health community. There is one I want more because I know it pays more, but now that I am not making anything, any amount of pay is a pay raise.

I don’t have much faith in my current job getting me a replacement position because there are plenty of open positions within the company and why they can’t just train me is beyond me. So I applied to two positions and I will wait to hear back and hopefully can interview.

The thought of school is stressing me out because I have finals soon and all of these end of term projects. I think that thinking about all of my work is overwhelming but If I piece it out day by day, week by week, I’ll be alright. There are no assignments due this next week due to the holiday but I really need to start working on my general scholarship form or else I won’t qualify for any assistance next year. I mean, I don’t *need* scholarships based on finances but less that my dad has to pay means I pay him back less money too.

My anxiety has been high due to stress. I am making do, but I don’t have my anti anxiety meds with me so I have to grin and bear it.

Well here’s to hoping I can fall back asleep.


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