I made the decision… well the decision was more so forced upon me…to apply for student loans. I could not believe the complexities that went along with it! You have to take a class before you can receive student loans so you have complete understanding that the loans you receive are still loans; and you must pay it back, with interest. Yet you don’t have to take a class to take on any other loan such as an auto loan or personal loan. I doubt you take one when you buy a home.

The class was pretty simplistic. What is a fixed rate versus variable, the difference between subsidized and unsubsidized loans, and federal loans versus privatized loans. I passed because I had been doing my research. I decided to choose the loans that were “offered” to me in my financial aid package. They are federally issued loans from the department of education, so they have a fixed interest rate.

There were two loans based on my family’s income and based on my own. I got approved for $5,500.00 and my parents were approved for a loan to make up the difference between that figure and the total cost of attendance. But the kicker is that they gave me a total cost of attendance for that of an on-campus, dorm room kid and that amount is way higher than what I need to pay considering I don’t need loans for room, board, miscellaneous expenses, or transportation. With that out of the way, all I need to pay for is tuition and books, which I will finance and if anything goes over budget, my parents said they would help fund the need.

So my dad took the total of tuition, cut in half, and cut the total for books in half and agreed to help me finance at the very least the first semester. It’s more economical to get loans for two semesters at a time, but to ensure I would pass my first semester. There is a lot financially riding on my success, so I definitely have to follow through and with my past history, I don’t have a lot of follow through.

So from my dad’s perspective, there is not a lot of confidence in me. In myself, there is an overflowing amount of confidence. My mom sits somewhere in between. I think my dad is stressed because he could be forced into retirement at any time and I had to borrow money from them for personal reasons, so he would rather pay partial tuition payments while he has a steady income, but there isn’t much to go around as it is. All I know is that my dad was so upset by this topic this afternoon that he went to bed at 6:55pm and hasn’t gotten up in four hours.

I think I am going to write him an action plan; a plan of what I am going to do Monday through Friday and what I want to work on weekends so I can afford my bills. I won’t have time for the bar or for anything else for that matter. I got to prove to my dad that I will get good grades and I can get my shit together. I got a lot of people to prove wrong. Gotta take names and piss some people off.

In other news, I applied back to the grocery store I used to work at. I am not sure if I can be rehired because I walked out one day because I was pissed at the store director. I was mad at the store director because I called and asked for a raise and he asked who I was. I told him and then he said no. I had worked at that store 5 years and he didn’t care to learn my name or give me more than minimum wage when my checker numbers were higher and faster than those who had been there 20+ years and made almost $10 more in a hour than I did.

I want to go back because the job was insanely close to my house and if I am going to be making minimum wage, I would rather pay less in gas to get to and from work. Not to mention I’d be working for a union, so a partial part of my paycheck goes to union dues, but I get double and a half on holidays and can work the hours and days I need in order to for university. I know everybody there and I am comfortable with the people there.

Some downsides are the lack of pay, but I have my budget working for me working about 25 hours a week. I can work and live on minimum wage, but if I somehow got a little bit of a raise going back, it could go toward funding my debt or reducing the amount of student loans that I personally have to take out. Another downside is a lot of people hate me there. They hate that I walked out and I was working mid shift on a busy day, but love me or hate me, I need a job and if I can get the hours I want and need, that’s all I can ask for.

I talked to the front end manager via Facebook and she told me she would try to figure out if she could rehire me because she wants me back, she thinks I am a hard worker, but it’s honestly up to corporate at this point.

So in a week, I should be given the money to finance the classes I will sign up for with my academic advisor. I got to complete the plan of action for my dad so that I can reassure him that me going to school is a good idea. He ultimately knows that going to school is the only way for me to pursue my dream passion of being a designated crisis responder. But he is so scared of change and he is disappointed that I haven’t completed my associate’s in community college and that I changed career paths and couldn’t transfer half of my credits from community college to university.

So these next few weeks should be interesting, so stay tuned!

Much love,

Dani