Struggles and Strides

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Today wasn’t a hard day, but there was a lot going on. Which usually means no nap before bedtime. It seems like my energy levels are exceptionally low when I am not working, so naps are nearly required for me to get through my day.

Today, Diego had the day off from work so we went to town for him to get his hair cut by an old co-worker. He dropped me off at my mom’s house, so we talked about how Diego called me his girlfriend again and how he asked me to move back in. The choice seemed obvious to me, but it is somewhat stressful due to doubt.

What if we break up again? What happens once things fall apart?

I know in my heart that this time, things are truly different now that I have quit gambling for good. But the doubts are still there. Today we got into our first “fight” since we got back together. Everything was so blissful up until tonight, I didn’t think we had anything left to fight about.

Before I get into that, the rest of the day went well. He came over to my mom’s house after he got his hair cut and my mom bought us lunch that we all enjoyed from a local burger joint. We finally put my new tv into my car to take back to Diego’s to put into our bedroom. It’s a Samsung 55 inch curved smart TV and I am very excited about it because I can use my Samsung Galaxy S20+ as a TV remote which I think is neat.

We got gas, went to Diego’s work so he could get a money order, and I talked to my friend who also works there. Then we went home. Diego asked if I missed being single and I said no. I told the story of the first date I travelled to Seattle for and got physically burned. I told him that was almost as scary of a situation as when I was raped. He asked me if my friends knew that happened to me and I said Brent did, but there’s not much anyone could do or say to change the facts of the matter.

Diego was driving my car and both times going through the streets, he went through this big puddle of water and got mud and dirt on my car. My car already needs a bath, but it kind of made me mad because the neighbors in my mom’s neighborhood don’t like when people go through the puddle because it puts more standing water in their yard. I told Diego after the fact that little detail, but because I said it laughing, he thought I was joking. So he did it a second time. I told him I didn’t want my car dirty and the thing about the neighbors was real. He kinda just says “Sorry” and we move on.

I call my friend that I saw at the store on his way home from work and I kinda tell him the story after he mentions that he had rain over his back up camera and I said I did too and proceeded with my story. I was walking into the kitchen to pour myself a rum and coke as I study for the SAT. We get off the phone and Diego starts getting huffy with me, asking if this is how we were doing things now. I said what are you talking about. He referenced my phone call and said I was talking about him to my friend in front of him and that’s no way to treat him.

I told Diego that it was not my intention to throw him under the bus to my friend. It honestly was just conversation, it wasn’t that big of a deal. He said it was a big deal or else I wouldn’t be bringing it up. He also said I shouldn’t be talking about him to other people, or at least not directly in front of him.

Things have resolved now. We both apologized, I for talking about him to others and he about my car. We made up and I was able to finish 100+ pages of my SAT book, completing book 1 of 2 for my studies before my SAT exam in December. Only 1206 pages to go, but who’s counting?

I feel like I am getting my mojo back a little bit. I am still waiting on my job interview results with the bank, but I feel pretty confident. Sometimes no news is good news. I am making progress on my studies. I will apply to UWT and finish my application by the end of December, after my exam. I start physical therapy on my foot and knee tomorrow and recovery is slow, but moving along swimmingly.

I got a lot going on in my corner, but it’s still a battle; but an uphill battle at that.

Much love,


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