Delays and Disappointment

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

I was supposed to have my psych evaluation today. Supposed to. But didn’t. And get this… it wasn’t even my fault! When it was my appointment time, I logged in to the lobby online to wait for the provider to video chat with me. But the doctor never showed up so about thirty after I call disability determination and I got stuck on hold for a half hour. I got transferred three times and now I must reschedule and wait another few months for this re-do appointment.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night because I knew how important this appointment was and I didn’t want to miss it, but joke’s on me! It didn’t even happen. I’m just frustrated and annoyed by the whole ordeal, but such is life.

I feel as though them canceling my appointment was worse than me bombing my interview altogether. At least if I bombed my interview, I would move forward in the disability process and then if I got denied benefits, I could easily appeal the decision and eventually receive the benefits along with 6+ months of back pay.

Now I am slowly mentally preparing to go back to work which I’m not ready to do. For whatever reason, I am terrified to get on the phone and collect debt. I don’t feel as if I’m ready because I have no idea what I would say once I got on the phone. But it’s not like I can quit my job either because I need a sitting down, desk job for my foot and knee and I make decent money with this job so I’d be screwed without it.

I am beginning to feel stressed with the thought of going back to work and back to reality. I haven’t been able to completely relax during this time off not just due to pain, but due to anxiety for what’s to come. This has been my my most major surgery to date and I’m anxious for my post operative appointment to see how I am doing with my recovery and to see how long I will be non weight-bearing and how long recovery is as a whole.

My sister asked me to join the Last 90 Day challenge with her and our parents. Essentially it’s like a reverse new year’s resolution; it’s year ending resolution to better yourself that last 90 days of the year.

5 to thrive image

The idea intrigued me so I told my sister I would do parts of it.

#1 Wake up 1 hour earlier than you usually do and use the time for yourself. I already wake up early and use that time to blog, but I suppose I can make that 7 a.m. wake up call and turn it into a 6 o’clock one. I have decided to designate this extra hour to either writing or journaling and organizing.

#2 Workout at least 30 minutes a day. Well, with my broken foot and knee, I cannot work out, so I’m going to designate this time to bible reading and prayer time.

#3 Drink half your body weight in water. 95 ounces will be difficult, but I’m up to the challenge.

#4 Give up one type of food you know you shouldn’t be eating. I choose to give up all energy drinks, especially Red Bull.

#5 Write down 10 things you’re grateful for every day. Done deal!

Here’s to ending the year on a strong note!

Much love,


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