One Step Forward, Thirty Steps Back

Why does it always seem that whenever something finally good happens, something terrible happens at the same time? It makes it so much harder to appreciate God’s goodness when it’s followed b thirty “bad” things. I use the word “bad” very loosely because it’s all relative. It could always be worse and I know that. I try not to take for granted the situations that I am put in or given because God only provides you with what challenges you can handle, nothing more and nothing less. Sometimes I feel as though I and those around me can’t catch a break. But this morning, I am just praising God for He is the light through the darkness; the wise amongst the weak and the weary.

I will start with the good news and end with the harder news. I was filing my weekly claim for unemployment last night and I noticed I had an unopened letter from them. I check their website almost daily because I was waiting on a decision from unemployment and whether they would accept my claim. My previous employer who I have blogged about previously was fighting the unemployment agency, trying to not allow me to receive my benefits, even though he wrongfully terminated me. I read the letter which stated that I was not only approved for unemployment, but they found that I had not performed misconduct while I worked as a paralegal and listed five different statutes to support their decision. My previous employer has the right to appeal the decision, and knowing how petty he is, he will try to appeal my acceptance of unemployment. But in the meantime, I will enjoy the fact that I was wrongfully terminated and unemployment backed me up. It feels good to be in the right and to no longer have any sort of entity question my actions. After I read the letter, I checked my bank account and had received back pay from the time I was terminated until now and although it’s not much, I am able to pay my bills on time and it is one less thing I have to worry about. I had absolutely nothing in savings and I was pressed up against my due date for my credit card payments and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. God is good and everything happens in his timing, which is perfect.

In other news, I have been dating this one guy for about a month and a half. We have grown very fond of each other, we talk, text, or hang out together daily and are practically inseparable. Last night he said he couldn’t hang out because he was going to bar hop with a few coworkers in the next county over. I didn’t think much of it, but all I said is if you need a ride to or from, I would be happy to give him one and that he shouldn’t drive drunk or buzzed. As the night went on, I received my good news and I texted him to tell him. He didn’t respond for three hours which was very unlike him. He said “yay I’m drunk” and I asked if he needed a ride and he never responded. At 1:50 a.m. I get a text, “u awake” and I had been in and out of sleep. A few minutes later I reply “yes”. And then at 3:10 a.m. I woke up and looked at my phone to five different texts from him saying, “I need someone” “talk quick please” “please talk to me” “or not” “im hurt i wreaked car just left hospital”. Terrified, I texted back “where are you” “i can come pick you up” “please text or call me back” “are you at the hospital i will come pick you up i just need you to respond no questions asked”. I called five times, no answer. I got in my car and just started driving. I didn’t know where I was going. All I knew is that he needed someone and I was determined to find him. I checked with ten different hospitals, none say that he was a patient with them, I checked two different county jail rosters, I searched the streets between his house, work, and the hospital twice over and there was no sign of him. I messaged his roommates and no response. I went home and it is now 7 a.m. and still no response. I am left with no other resources or options except to sit here and worry until he answers my texts.

I am so conflicted because I know he was intoxicated while driving and he said he wrecked the car and was hurt and had to go to the hospital. I have no sympathy for drunk driving normally, but I care deeply for him. I just want to know if he is okay. Well, obviously he isn’t okay, but at least a text or something so I know he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. All I can do is rely on God and know that His plan will prevail. Everything happens for a reason and I am trusting in that because it’s all I have to cling onto between the tears I cry.

Hopefully I can update you all soon and that the news is at least somewhat positive…

Til next time,


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s