For those of you who have been here for a while, or at least in the blogging community for a hot minute, some of you will know that October 1st marks the first day of Blogtober! (AKA the bloggging event that a blogger posts 1+ times a day, everyday for the month of October. I know nothing about it besides that and in the early years of Precarious Aquarius, I’ve successfully completed this task at least twice.

However, I have been so neglectful of my blog during the whole year of 2025, I didn’t know about participating in the challenge this year. When I worked on my new habit tracker for October, I made a category to either read or write once a day; granted that doesn’t mean I have to blog per se, but usually if I write, I just blog it for those who like to keep up with my weird life. So as of 10:06pm, I am writing and punching the d*mn keys on my lovely mechanical keyboard and onto my MacBook to give this to you for your reading enjoyment.

The only reason I even thought of Blogtober this year was because I used to be apart of a Blogtober group on Facebook and they recently updated the group name and topics for this year. Usually I am a stickler of following these topics and making them relate to mental health and my life relating to mental health however, I think for the sake of ease, I am just going to try to write everyday during this month just so I get back in the habit of doing so.

For reference, today’s topic was something to the effect of, “The cozy things you don’t see on Instagram.” It seems fall-like since it has the word ‘cozy’ in the title, but it doesn’t make sense to me. I read some other blogs with this topic and they all view the topic from the perspective of: “what we don’t see on social media (IG).” such as the stresses of marriage, kids, illnesses, hardships, etc that tend to never be exposed online considering it is basically an admittance of shame and claiming that things are not perfect all the time. But none of these topics go into any real depth about why their marriage may be feeling, what type of hardship they are facing, and so on.

I do despise how superficial folks can be at times. I get that it can be humiliating to admit your short comings, but it is also very liberating and always empathy to come through from family and friends who follow you on social media. Just posting bikini pics of you jet skiing and photos of mixed drinks at a concert and making out with your boyfriend or whatever isn’t an accurate depiction of your life. I like to hear the hard shit; maybe that is just me, but I’d rather know what I need to be praying for you and how to lift you up rather than become a green-eyed jealous monster being envious at all of your glamorous trips wondering how you get the money to live like an influencer.

The hard shit is this: I was recently diagnosed or at least thought of to have endometriosis. I don’t know much about this illness other than it’s painful as hell, and whatever the first page of Google AI listing symptoms and possible treatment for this ailment. I have recently went to the ER not one, not two but three times over this sh!t. My urine cultures all indicated that I didn’t have a bladder infection or UTI, but all my tests, blood and urine, were abnormal. I didn’t have kidney stones and when they did a pelvic ultrasound, I about died on the table in pain it was so uncomfortable and that’s putting it kindly. I am supposed to follow up with an OBGYN to get properly treated and diagnosed.

In the last two weeks, I have spent my days off work (yes, no work still; nothing panned out) in immense pain and using the pain pills I have been prescribed and some cannabis for help in support of pain relief. Now you must be thinking: “Dani, you’re sober! How are you consuming weed now?!” My answer to that is simple, since I have no reason to not smoke weed, my doctor said I can use moderate amounts of cannabis for pain control and for my schizoaffective. I know that sounds weird to use something that make you might hallucinate to help with my hallucinations but it works.

When I get delusions and hallucinations, I become very anxious and usually with that I can medicate with Xanax or if less severe, then with hydroxyzine. But both make me insanely tired so instead I smoke some sativa cannabis and it calms my inner core and allows me to focus on my de-escalation skills and I am more apathetic to my hallucinations and am able to usually rationalize my way through them rather than becoming too overwhelmed and then shutting down.

I think the appeal to this blog is the sole fact that it is real to its core. I don’t hold back, I hardly omit information because I am trying to improve myself let alone the people who may read this and get something out of my writing.

I think that’s all the updates I have for now. I mean, If I forget something, I can remember it before tomorrow’s post and add it then hahaha.

Is it bad that my brain is already hyper-focused on Christmas? I am trying to do a photoshoot with Kyle, my husband right before our anniversary which is 10/11. This week, the weather is gonna be crappy so we might have to push our shoot out until the week of our anniversary because we’re doing photos outside in a local and rustic fall town which is how I wanted to do our anniversary photoshoot. I am making my mom take photos since her services are free of charge and that’s all we can afford right now. I will take the nicest photo of Kyle and I and print like 40 of them for my Christmas cards and mail them out altogether. I am already thinking of drafting our family Christmas letter. And then planning what I am getting the family.

It sucks being so poor because my love language is gift giving and I’d like to give my family nice gifts but I don’t have the money until I start a new job again and get caught up on gift buying and all the other bills. I usually always have my Christmas gifts purchased before Halloween but that is looking like it will be pushed out… shoot, I hate that.

I do have a job interview on 10/06 so hopefully I get that job; it’s a ten minute drive from my house and it’s for a company I would love to work for that is in my line of work. Hopefully that will do it; otherwise I am out of options…. yikes.

On that note, I will say goodbye for now.

Take care.

Dani