I have been on a tea kick. I have missed my last three shifts at work due to a severe cough, sore throat, you know? The pretend autumn season is among us and here is a preseason cold/flu to knock me down. But today is DAY 1 back to work, back to the grind. I have solely made it this far into my shift because of my cinnamon apple Tazo tea with lots of honey. My mug that is storing the tea states, ‘It’s cool to be kind.’ On the other side is a raccoon. On a funny note is that there was a raccoon on the roof of a neighboring government building next to our homeless shelter. My staff and I threw watermelon and a cheese stick onto the roof, in its general direction but it looked small and sad; it was curled up in a ball on the edge of the roof. It’s not fun being small and sad, so I kinda saluted the raccoon and was like me too bro, me too.

I’ve been trying to vape less especially now that the weather is getting crappy in Washington. I know that we have a couple more weeks of real summer in us but now it’s that fall taste of autumn. Rain, thunder, lightning, gray clouds, just cold weather. My fellow work smokers have invested in a smoke break chair for outside but now I think I’ll be the next one to invest in a smoke break umbrella for these cold rainy nights; man those sea port gusts of wind are strong and cold! I think I am addicted to vaping due to its convenience. It’s all too easy to press a button and feel endorphins. I smoke in my car, my room, outside, inside places…. to not have it would cause anxiety. I know I need to quit because my subconscious has been nagging me…. but not enough to be the last straw. Like when I quit drinking, I made a mistake I couldn’t take back and I had to hold my head high and create a new life that didn’t include booze. Same thing goes for vaping, but hopefully I don’t end up with stage four lung cancer due to my years of vaping.

Speaking of vices, on the 17th of August, I had my one year sober from alcohol. I can’t begin to comprehend how it’s been already a year. I feel so much better and although I get the nagging feeling in my head occasionally that tequila sounds good or I’d be happier drinking, I just shut it down. I don’t tolerate people in my life who don’t accept my sobriety and on my AA birthday, I had like 30 different people sign a card for me at my home group and my mom gave me her one year coin and it was super sentimental to me.

I feel like there is so much to share, I think I haven’t written on this blog since the end of July, so this is the most I haven’t written since I started the blog nearly five years ago. I even contemplated taking it down but that doesn’t sit well with me. I might lower the expectations I have for my writing and for myself so I don’t quit, but just write more in private like in a journal or just share only somethings online, not all like I used to.

I’m gonna end this blog post here for now. I gotta figure some things out but at least y’all know I am indeed alive and kicking. Just gotta work on the content for you all to enjoy.

much love,

Dani