Loss is never easy, especially family. I keep telling myself this:

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the way of the Lord.

Job 1:21

We aren’t designed as Earthly beings; we are created in God’s image to do His Will on Earth like He does in Heaven. But once we have completed those tasks, I’m lead to believe that God calls us home to Him.

I am unsure of the fate of my uncle who passed on this morning; whether he was a Believer or not. But regardless, I pray for his peace now that he is no longer with us. I hope he is rejoicing in Heaven with Jesus right now and becomes an angel.

When imagining Heaven. I always think God is a giant and He’s sitting on His purple and gold metal framed throne and the first thing I would do is sit in HIs lap like I would with my own humanly father would with his much younger and not as heavy daughter. But this is Heaven so it doesn’t matter what I weigh, Jesus is strong so he could withhold the weight of all of HIs children who also want to sit on His lap and chat.

I am most excited to die because I will have eternal life with God in Heaven. I will jump and rejoice and feel no pain and do my angel duties and watch over believers on Earth and I get to worship God everyday and see everyone who has passed on before me.

Maybe my interpretation of Heaven, Hell, and God is incorrect but I guess we won’t know until our time comes.

Having someone close to you pass on is hard because we don’t know their true faith Maybe they are believers, but have sinned too much in their lifetime so maybe they go to Hell? I want to think that my uncle is no longer in pain in the after life but I don’t know; it’s out of my control.

I have been crying on and off today. I am spending the night at Kyle’s house tonight because I didn’t want to be isolated in the lair and sleep alone. Not that I’m suicidal or would do any self harm; I just can’t be alone right now. And Kyle sleeping next to me right now is more comforting than the thought of being alone in my room.

When I got here this afternoon, I took everything out of Kyle’s fridge and disposed of what was too old or expired. Took out all the perishables and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed the glass shelving til Kyle had to pick me off the floor because my ankles gave out on me for squatting too long. (Three ankle surgeries, two leg surgeries, and one knee surgery will do that to a person.) I put the products back on the clean shelves. Kyle hand washed dishes while I did this. We took a nap and after that, I cooked him and I spaghetti and It turned out pretty good. I don’t have much of an appetite considering everything so I only had a couple bites.

I watched a comfort show on Netflix and took a bubble bath and now I am writing. The more I can distract myself, the less I can be sad or cry. He’s asleep right now and I don’t know what to do with myself.

My laptop is going to die here soon and I want to lay underneath the warm covers of the bed; I don’t want to sit on the floor to write extra while charging my laptop.

I just ask you to pray for me and my family during this time. Please and thank you.

Much love,

Dani