Today was a pretty decent day. I slept in for too long which is probably from my unwavering depression. But on Monday, I had a job interview for a barista supervisor and now mind you, I have absolutely zero experience being a barista but I make a decent enough supervisor, so I got a call two hours almost exactly after my interview was finished with the manager saying that I got the job. $21.59/hour plus tips and working in the rich person neighborhood, tips will be good. I’ll average 30-32 hours per week and receive health insurance benefits so I’m stoked.

Starting April 1st, I will begin my two week barista training and then a week after that I will do a week long supervisor training to know how to operate the safe and how to balance tills for opening and closing. The best part of all is that April 1st is my last first day of my Associates degree. If all goes well, I will graduate with a direct transfer agreement degree of Associates of the Arts come June. Two and a half short months and it will have only took me eight years to finish a two year degree.

The better part of this new job is that they will pay for a bachelors degree from Arizona State University’s online program so once I get my AA – DTA I intend on applying to ASU and participating in their forensic psychology program. So I really got to stick with this job for the next two years or at least until I can graduate.

My boyfriend Kyle is helping pay for my school and I couldn’t thank him enough for it. Because I no longer qualify for financial assistance this late in the year, I couldn’t do this without him. I have two more payments on the plan not to mention buying books for all my classes and what not. Shit is expensive! He told me today that he couldn’t imagine life without me in it and sees a future with me in it which was very sweet as I feel the same about him.

I felt silly because once I woke up late today, my mom and I went to the store and I decided to make sausage kale potato soup with heavy whipping cream. I forgot Kyle is very. intolerant of dairy products and it wasn’t until I was halfway over to his house with soup hot and ready that I realized he couldn’t have any of it. Damn! Luckily I brought over some spaghetti and fruit I bought at the store for him to have as well. My soup was very scrumptious. I wish he could’ve had some.

He’s asleep now as I’m writing this. I am listening to music through my Beats over the ear headphones. Currently mgk is playing which is his more punk rock album. But it’s on shuffle so something else will play soon enough.

I just feel some type of way because everything is coming together just like in the nick of time. The puzzle pieces are fitting just so; if I do anything out of place, it all falls apart. I have a little over seven months sober now and it feels good. When I was at the grocery store today my mom discouraged me from walking down the liquor aisle and we went the long way around to buy groceries. I told her it didn’t bother me to walk by it and she said she was really glad to hear that. Honestly, the only time alcohol really triggers me is from the smell on someone else’s breath and it’s gotta be more than two drinks to get to me. The slight aroma of beer or spirits doesn’t trigger me, just that pungent odor of slurred words and stupids mistakes is what makes me angry and feel hurt in fear of missing out.

It’s a strange feeling; being 26 and fearing of missing out. I am somewhat out of the party stage of my life but there’s times I want to go to the bar and “be normal.” Kyle and I both love shooting pool (although I’m terrible at it). That and singing karaoke. (Which I am also terrible at lol.) And ordering a water while he has 2-3 Coronas or Blue Moons while I’m the automatic Designated Driver and seeing a bunch of other punks get sloshed really isn’t my scene anymore. I don’t mind it when Kyle drinks but when I feel like I am the only sober one in the bar; that’s when it bothers me. Maybe that’s understandable to some, many don’t get it and think I should suck it up and that’s life. However, I don’t think I need to live my life like that. If you hang around the barber shop, you’re bound to eventually get a hair cut. Same goes with me pressing boundaries going to the bar for other things like karaoke and pool. The eventuality of me drinking at a bar if the “right” situation happens is probable. Now let me preface this with I do not plan on drinking or smoking weed. But if my parents died one or the other or something happened to Kyle I don’t know what “right” situation would make me beg for an escape.

This is why I believe in sobriety insurance. Everyday I either go to outpatient treatment or to AA meetings or read my Big Book and that insures in those moments or minutes or hours that I cannot drink or use. Insurance doesn’t stop the inevitable from happening but it sure as hell slows the process down and gives me the coping mechanisms to deal with my addiction.

I think it’s time to try to go to sleep. Goodnight world.

Dani