Well, to say I was on vacation is a bold-faced lie. I was on a medical absence for my thoracic sprain in my back and shoulder. Has it gotten better with R&R, ice, and some muscle relaxers I found prescribed to me among my many possessions? No. It feels slightly better with ice on my back right shoulder blade which I have on right as I am typing this. I am propped up on pillows with my knees cradling my MacBook. I am medicated and ready for sleep to take me away and before we all know it, it will be 10:30am and I will be on my way to work. I should shower tonight but I just don’t have the energy to do so, so that makes that a tomorrow morning task; might help me wake up a bit.

I wish I got more done but like the title says, this wasn’t vacation. This was a super restful time for me.. for the most part. I got a little mania fix in near the end. I didn’t sleep for two days straight so not as major as the last mania stretch which consisted of five days straight, no sleep. So this wasn’t terrible but I was speaking gibberish near the end of it all and I was probably annoying to those who continued to speak to me. Maybe not, I honestly do not recall. All I know is for most of Friday day and night I slept to make up for the prior two days’ lack of sleep. This morning was rough because I felt a sore throat coming on and now I feel it too. But during the day it is nonexistent. But I can’t miss even a minute of work because I no longer have any PTO and will have to make up the hours to make up for the lost time.

My shoulder still hurts plenty and I never know what my job will hold… could be lifting mattresses between rooms if there are any room changes, lifting heavy things, and reaching for stuff up high, etc. Nothing good for my shoulder pain and it’s not like I can sit and ice my shoulder at work as much as I’d love to.

I think my mania spurt came about due to my agitation toward my shoulder injury. In the past, I would have just smoked some ganja and been happy go lucky. I would have done it multiple times a day all this past week. But I didn’t. I can’t. But also I physically and mentally chose not to use substances that alter my mind to make a decision for me in regard to my pain and my medical choices. And for that I am extremely proud of myself for abstaining from booze and drugs even though it would have temporarily made me feel better, it would have made everything worse after that. Once midnight hits, I got 52 days sober. Which isn’t much to some, but a lot to me. And that is for drugs, alcohol, and gambling. My gambling sobriety date is actually 06/20/2023, but it is easier to say my AA/NA date otherwise it is too confusing.

I just want to go to sleep now, but I think this mania / insomnia thing is happening again. I will probably log off now to take some NyQuil and hydroxyzine to help me sleep.

Sweet dreams, friends.

Dani