My chest pains me as I have been coughing up some blood filled mucus and coughing so hard I am throwing up this blood filled mucus crap. I feel the pain radiating through my chest into my ribs and my back. At first I thought it was just a smoker’s cough, but it is progressed enough where I spend more time coughing than not and got sent home from work an hour early with my supervisor begging me to get a chest x-ray.

I pinky promised so I gotta wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to ensure I can get to urgent care and hopefully go to work tomorrow (well today since it’s now Monday). Today was pretty good mental health wise minus the coughing and shit at work. I feel tired but I don’t want to waste my free time always sleeping and that’s exactly what I did Saturday into Sunday; I slept close to 18 hours straight from 4pm Saturday and onwards.

I am tired and should sleep, but if I went to bed right this very second and woke up at my first alarm, I would have five hours of sleep. As time progresses that very number will lower but I have been seriously neglecting the blog so I’m trying to send out some love and good vibes to y’all.

Might take an edible now so I can get the benefits of smoking without smoking and relax enough to sleep. Well, after I cronched on that edible, I realized I could have just as easily taken my hydroxyzine (PRN; as needed med) for anxiety and lack of sleep but too late now! If I use the edible and the medication, I will most definitely sleep through my alarms in the morning and won’t get up to go seek urgent care. It will be rough waking up with the edible, but with both it would nearly be impossible. I’m 4’11” 188lbs so there’s only so much room for the drugs to go inside and do stuff to.

My second full week of work has been good but Sunday was my Monday so I don’t want to speak too soon and jinx it.

I am in the midst of my third month of habit tracking. I got off the horse two times but I was able to remember what I did the couple days before the current date and time so I was able to accurately describe moods, sex life, weight, reading, blogging, water intake, exercise, period tracker, cannabis, and alcohol. No casino was on the list but I shaded that all out considering I am now self banned from all casinos in the county. Maybe I jumped the gun considering there are other casinos in neighboring counties I could attend to, but honestly I have no desire to gamble. I don’t do scratchers, so that isn’t a temptation. I want to keep my sobriety date I think it was June 16th, but I gotta double check last month’s habit tracker because I don’t remember the last time I gambled but I know I did under five times in the month of June. So at the very least I am 24 days sober of gambling if not more and I am damn proud of myself.

My weight is decreasing which is good, I have not read this month which is bad but whatever, this will be my fifth blog post this month which is subpar, I like to post at least twice a week. Water intake could be better, exercise started off great and then I got busy with work. I ended my period on the first and started it again and ended it again 07/18-07/22. Cannabis and alcohol intake have increased when seeing others which is fine but want to reduce mainly the alcohol and a little bit the cannabis. And sex is none ya business.

As for mood I’m pretty even between level headed, depression, and mania. My moods have been very sporadic throughout each day and I’m annoyed with that because I feel like my meds are not working and that it’s not worth taking my meds but I know that this is prime time for my delusions to shine but I won’t let them.

I think that’s it for me. Im gonna try to sleep so be well, do well. God speed.

Dani