I have my first of what will hopefully be many interviews this week on Wednesday to be a full time beauty advisor and they pay pretty good so I figure why can’t I do that? I like make up and department store discounts so all the better. I haven’t been sleeping too much lately, too much to think about. I am not on a manic episode per se, however… I feel like I’m riding the line pretty damn close. I am just agitated at all times and I feel this tenseness in my inner being for literally no apparent reason. I am on my meds although I was puking up my meds for a few days so I’m sure that not all of the medicine I need was absorbed by my system before the vomiting. So being under-medicated is definitely at play here at no fault of my own.

Today was the second day that I wasn’t in the bathroom all day or hacking up a lung. My coughing fits are still pretty severe when they happen but they are getting fewer and farther between which is good I guess. My mom and I went grocery shopping pretty early so now it’s nearly 2pm and I am just blogging and chilling. It’s too hot to be outside unless it was a lake day. Also while I was sick, I bleached and dyed my hair platinum blonde and it isn’t horrible but I usually get it professionally done when I go blonde so I leave a little brown in there to remember who I am and now I look like my hair definitely does not belong to my body as I shade in my eyebrows the same color as my natural hair which is dark brown so its kind of shocking looking at me. I would show pics but I don’t want to post from my phone and switch from writing on my iMac in order to just show you some blonde hair. I’m sure the curiosity will not kill you….

I need to clean like seriously. Once it hits 2pm, I am logging off and I will grab the hazmat suit (Its not THAT bad…) and go into the trenches and clean my disgusting room. The thing I hate about mania is that it doesn’t motivate me to do the things I actually need to do; it just motivates me to do stuff that doesn’t affect my everyday living situation at all. For example, I will get the motivation to redo an old painting of mine and it takes hours of prep and paint and time and mess and clean up. But I really need to just clean the toilet and the shower in my bathroom. SO why can’t I get the kind of manic energy to clean the things I need to clean rather than do random hobbies?

I guess I don’t get to pick and choose, right? Just be thankful that I am manic and not depressed because not even the side projects get done when I am depressed because well, I am d e p r e s s e d. DUH.

I got five minutes and twelve seconds before I gotta log off. I am trying to fill the void with words and copacetic topics of conversation but it’s hard to write under pressure and in a time crunch. Plus I don’t have much to say because I have been a hermit from being sick all week.

3 minutes 54 seconds left.

Oh Jesus I might as well just log off now and get the damn thing over with but then again, that’s not as much fun as just fucking around and finding out what’s about to happen. Well, I know what’s gonna happen. I am gonna clean. get tired and take a “quick break” and take a nap. So I am unsure how much is going to actually go into cleaning but we about to find out real quick.

On that note, I bid you farewell.

much love,

Dani