I think the title says it all and really I don’t need to write much in this section…

TL;DR version (Too Long; Don’t read) It was an ordinary day nothing to report I hardly think about the dude at all so I guess it’s weird that it even happened to begin with? It was like it didn’t even happen in real life.)

The Too Long: Read version: I woke up at the ripe time of 5 in the afternoon and I took my meds which led me to vomiting into my hands and running toward the bathroom, hoping I didn’t void the pills I just consumed. Luckily I didn’t. I then showered and brushed my teeth and went downstairs to watch a new episode of The Kardashians with my mom. I snacked and ate food that weren’t real meals. And eventually took an edible and snacked some more and then smoked more weed. Now it is 3:01am on June 2nd. I am sober now and ready to write!

I have been on this backwards sleep cycle since I left my last job and it sucks but the isolation feels rejuvenating to me. I have been catching up on my reading and video games and YouTube binging which is super nice. My room is still a terror zone but a terror zone in progress. I always have the energy at night to clean but im too loud and worry I will wake my parents who are in the room across the house from me.

I can’t believe I have been engaged not once, but twice. Both were ultra mistakes and although I don’t regret them because it’s a huge part of who I am today. However, can we talk about how toxic my last relationship was for a sec?

We dated a month and got promise rings, and two months in we got engaged! We knew each other 60 days! And we didn’t even like each other! Well we did but we hardly had a sex life, I am pretty sure he was seeing someone on the side because the math ain’t mathing here. We had nothing in common and he DESPISED my mom and I love my mom so it really sucked being in between. I clearly wasn’t thinking and it was terrible. I dragged him along for another two months because I was trying to decide if I could go on with or without him and I threw in the towel. He was kind to me but that’s not a reason to marry someone! In premarital counseling I kinda realized that he was never going to let go and let God and get over his trauma. I am sorry but I am a huge fan of forgiveness and not holding onto resentments because it really does make you hard-hearted when you hold on to every little thing. I couldn’t deal with it. Plus I couldn’t make poop jokes and if you know me, I gotta joke about pooping because it is hilarious and he HATED talking about any bodily function let alone hearing it and I’m like bro I am a caregiver, bodily functions are all I know plus it’s funny!

Anyways that’s how I feel about it and now I am just wanting to move past the whole ordeal and not think about marriage for a looooooonnngggggg time. It’s weird to me that strangers can marry one another and somehow make it work or don’t and get an annulment or a divorce and then do it all over again. Obviously it’s different when marrying an immigrant who wishes to gain citizenship and I feel like marriages should go through some sort of vetting process so that more can succeed rather than marrying for their own best interest or for convenience like so many do.

I mean my parents married out of convenience and almost 40 years later they have a successful marriage but it wasn’t always like that. So I guess sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don’t. Let me rephrase that.

Marriage is work no matter how it comes on but what is the difference between marriages that work and don’t work besides the effort part? I would say a lot of it is compatibility throughout the ages which is part planning part luck, don’t you think? People age and people change. You can’t plan on who your partner will be in the future but hope for the best and if you are compatible now hopefully that remains and evolves with your relationship in the future.

Anyways that’s it for me and this post. I just unblocked the dude from my Facebook so hopefully that was a wise decision…

Much love,

Dani