Someone asked me today how I would describe my mental health situation. And I figured today would be as good of a time as ever to dive into the state of my mental health. It’s been two months since I had my manic panic break down and had to take five days off work to recover from what could have easily been a near hospitalization for me…

This past week has been pretty stable, but just like I told this person; I will always have delusions, I will always have hallucinations, I will always be paranoid about certain things or entities. But with that being said, I am not in the hospital for these things, I can drive my car just fine, and I can in normal circumstances, hold a job and complete tasks at hand. I am not on disability because I was deemed too “high functioning” as of three years ago when I was last assessed for disability.

I consider the day a success when I am mostly level headed that day. I can swing from manic to depressed to manic to level headed to manic to depressed to depressed to level headed… you get the idea. All in a very short amount of time depending on the situation I am in. But overall, these past six days I have been more often than not, level headed through out the day.

You may think the time I spend sleeping (which has been a lot lately) might be an indicator of depression. I think it is an indication of boredom. I am bored to tears not working and it shows.

Tonight I started cleaning, it’s a very simple and basic start but that’s better than not starting at all. I had all of these boxes in my door way so it was hard to open and close my bedroom door so I did that, got rid of most of my trash and recyclables and that’s it when my guy texted me to hang out. We got McDonald’s and talked and hung out for a bit. I am now back in the lair and I am torn between cleaning and sleeping or getting a late night snack. I had a milkshake not that long ago but my mom made her famous potato salad and bitches love potatoes! So gotta eat some of that before it all goes away.

I have to sign paperwork for the new job on Wednesday at 10am but other than that this week is free so I really need to buckle down and get rid of shit and go through the boxes of crap I have downstairs in my parents’ living room.

I think that potato salad is calling my name so I will leave you be. For now lol.

Much love,

Dani