I sit here with my essential oil diffuser going, with my headphones in listening to a gritty acoustic mix on Spotify. I had a somewhat eventful day today. I came home about 6am, been up since 3am for no apparent reason. I went back to sleep until 11am when I got up and had to pick up a piece of clothing from a department store that I got for free with their in store cash deal thingy. So I got my skirt from the store and ended up buying a flannel and really cute flats on clearance. I think I spent $25 for both and my mom had paid me back for ordering her vitamins online so it felt like it was free.
I had to go to the pharmacy for her and I was in the drive thru and I needed to break my mom’s hundred and so I hand it to the lady and she said oh no no I don’t have change for that in my till. So I kinda smirked and gave her a $5 roll of dimes. So you know what this fucking bitch does? She opens it all up, and initially I thought she was counting them all to make sure they were there. But no. She takes out the dollar eighty worth of dimes and gets a baggy and gives me a now broken roll of coins instead of putting the $5 roll of coins in her till and giving me dollar bills back.
literally I had no words for this.
At first I thought she was being clever and being a smart ass by doing this, but I honestly think she’s just not that bright.
But I digress.
I got my $3.80 in dimes back in a baggy and got the medicine and left. I got home and my parents were so flustered because I was. They thought I didn’t get change back for the hundred and after telling them the story, they laughed and said they were glad that I still had their hundred dollar bill.
I finished applying for unemployment now that I had no job until at least April, permitting my knee and foot got better by then. So I applied to some jobs, I think 5 or 6. I ate dinner with my family when I got a notification on my phone that one of my art projects was graded and which I received my first 100% of the semester in that class (in my defense, I got 90s before hand) which raised my grade to an A overall. My parents were much proud of me.
I started laundry that I had been neglecting for a while. Then I did my face routine which included a face cleanser, an exfoliant, three acne medicated foams/lotions/scrubs (now my acne isn’t terrible but I still have one or two pimples here and there so I use the stuff to get rid of them or minimize them) and a toner. Then I end with a moisturizer. So it’s rather a large ordeal when I do this, so I try to do it once or twice a week and now my face is soft and very clear.
I was feeling rather discouraged until I read a post regarding Christian apologetics from my blogger friend of mine, Bruce over at https://bcooper.wordpress.com and he asked the question what the collective body of Christ should be focused on.
I, of course, feeling spiritually compelled to respond, I wrote that we all need to focus on shining God’s light.
Basically that means to me that one uses their talents given by God to help shine the message of love, grace, and kindness; all the things that Christ embodies. I do this by spreading the message of mental health awareness. No, I am no where near perfect. I swear, I am loud, I get angry, and no I don’t always embody what God wants me to be as a Godly woman. But I do repent for my sins. I pray. I
I think that my “realness” helps me relate to others; because I am so honest and vulnerable, others can relate to me. Everyone has a gift or a talent and it may not always be apparent to them, but it exists. I believe we should all be more graceful, kind, respectful, and most importantly show and receive love.
I think that shining God’s light was the extent of my response to his question. Others commented of course about the modern church diluting God’s word. Which is exactly my issue with churches to begin with. It’s hard enough to find a church you like to begin with, but to find honest truth from scripture in the message of the pastor is difficult.
I am not saying that it is wrong to go to church or right, it is what you make it. I personally do better studying scripture on my own or having discussions with those around me about Christ. I am a firm believer that God is everywhere and His Holy Spirit is always with us; He doesn’t just live in a building titled “Church”. He is with us wherever any of sinners go.
It’s funny because I never did more praying than I did at work when working in the adult inpatient unit of a psych ward. Some of the people there were homeless, drug addicted, mentally ill, you name it. But they weren’t the most religious, they were the most Godly. I remember discussing bible verses with one of my long term clients and we happened to have the same favorite verse which is
Create in me a clean heart O God and restore a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence but restore in me the joy of your salvation and all people will return to You.Psalms 51:10-13 (paraphrased from my memory so not exact, but close)
That isn’t perfect but a paraphrased version of what I adore. By shining my light, I was able to make a friend in my client at work. We worked on projects like our favorite words that uplifted us and beading bracelets. We talked about her bipolar I disorder and how she went from abrasive to warm and welcoming in an instant. She eventually was medicated and stable enough to go into a group home. I haven’t seen her since I promised her I would write her a letter for her last day and add the paper I kept with our favorite uplifting words on it. She was very soft spoken naturally and she didn’t smile often but she called me Super Woman and respected me as I did her.
It’s crazy where your life will take you, but I am happy to have the experiences that I have had to make me feel whole and to glorify Him.