For those of you who read my last blog post, ya’ll know I quit vaping. Dun, dun, DONEEEEE.
It has now been 3 whole entire days; a full 72 hours of no nicotine at all whether it be vaping, cigarettes, cigars, nicotine patches or adhesives. None of that. My friends, I have quit gambling, I have quit drinking, and smoking is the hardest thing I have ever had to quit in my life.
I think the worst part about it all is that I am not really sold on staying clean, ya know? Like I love smoking and I want to do it forever, but I won’t live forever if I keep smoking and that will make my friends and family small and sad. Because my motivation doesn’t stem from me really wanting to quit vaping, it makes it harder to not smoke.
I do believe from the 55 hour mark til now (73 hours later), it has gotten significantly easier to deal with. When I went to the grocery store, I smelled someone smoking a cigarette and it didn’t trigger me too bad. I wanted to smoke, but I didn’t give in and that’s what matters.
I have been budgeting the past couple of days and trying to work on my organization skills. Today I cleaned my room, got out all the trash and recycling, made my bed, washed my comforter. My room is a work in progress. There is too much stuff in the space that I have and half of my closest is filled with Barbies and toys from when I was a kid that are probably worth a fortune, but right now it means I have less space and that is something I could make money off of. Because there is so little space, it takes me cleaning in stages to clean everything because I leave a lot of random stuff mostly school books and my laptop and planner on my bed. But when I made the bed, I had to put it on my desk and my desk is filled with painting supplies and it’s a whole thing.
I managed today, but the next task is my desk and my reading chair and then I gotta tidy up again everywhere by vacuuming. And clean my bathroom. But I am D-O-N-E for today. Yesterday and the day before have been emotionally exhausting.
On Tuesday, I had my appointment with my primary doctor who also prescribes my psychiatric meds. She did bloodwork and said my liver levels were a little high and she said that can be from processed foods and I was like, “hello, have you seen me before? Processed foods are my middle name.” She said I needed a Vitamin B complex and vitamin D3 and I ironically enough found vitamin D3 in my boxes of things when I was searching for something else so I have been taking it so my levels should be better. Just gotta finish my vitamin B injections and then take the supplement.
My hormones are terribly out of wack because they are that of a menopausal woman’s hormonal levels and I am only 23 years old. I hadn’t gotten a period since June 20th which is 20 days after my second COVID-19 vaccine. I am not sure what caused my hormones to deplete so rapidly but she said there was nothing at the moment she would do for my hormones because she didn’t want to take me off birth control and she thought fixing my sleep apnea might be the solution.
That brings me to problem numero uno. My sleep apnea cpap machine gave me pustules on my nose and face no matter how tight or how loose the mask was no matter what type of water I used, etc. I showed her a picture and she referred me once again to the surgeon across the Puget Sound in order to get the sleep apnea surgery because I cannot tolerate the machine. I am on a stimulant for waking me up in the morning and she told me to stop taking that because it won’t help without the use of a cpap machine. She also said hormone levels restore and replenish themselves while we sleep so hopefully by addressing the lack of sleep, it fixes my hormones.
At this rate I am thinking I will not be able to have biological children myself. I was doing research at home and the science is pointing to that being the case for someone going through menopause 35 years too soon.
But the funny thing was? The next day, Wednesday the 3rd, I got my period. I don’t know if that was a God thing or what. I don’t think it changes my lack of hormones but it is a step in the right direction.
I am very thankful no matter the higher power of the act was because it gave me a little hope that one day… one day I could have a kid on my own…. but we shall see